The holidays are cuming, and you should be too! I loved this month’s edition of “Ask Julieta” questions, and can’t wait to get the Thruster family on the road to rocking pleasure. This month we're talk about self-exploration, sensual pleasure, and understanding your own body. The best gift you can give yourself this holiday season in the gift of masturbation and sexual satisfaction!
Best place to your suction cup dildo?
Suction cupping your dildo is going to depend on what angles and depth of penetration you enjoy. The two most common ways are against a wall for doggy style, and on the floor to ride it.
With doggy style, you can play with the depth of the toy much more vs a deeper thrust when riding it. I personally find it super comfy to do doggy style against a headboard and let the Thruster do its job. If I plan on suction cupping the Thruster to the floor to ride it, I put pillows underneath my knees for comfort and give a slight bend forward so the toy bends with me. This way, it’s less of a cervix poke and more of a deep glide.
Good way to start introducing sex toys with your partner?
Ironically, not in the bedroom! Introducing toys is best done when brought up in conversation in a casual setting. This allows time to discuss needs, wants, and the realm of consent/comfortability without feeling pressured to make a decision on the spot.
I like to start conversations with “I’ve been interested in trying this with you, is this something you may be interested in too?”. You would be amazed at how easy and open a conversation can be, and just how accessible your desires are - if we never ask, we will never explore the possibility of trying what we want!
It’s important to gain control of the conversation by being respectful, avoiding pressure, and being okay with the possibility of your partner not liking the idea. If that’s the case, see how you can find some middle ground to meet both your needs while still respecting the lines you each have.
Even when I'm "in the mood" I'm still dry. Is there something wrong??
Pssst psssst….. What you’re going through is TOTALLY NORMAL! It’s called arousal non-concordance. Arousal non-concordance is just a fancy term to say you’re turned on, but your body isn’t doing typical “turn-on” things like self-lubricating. The thing is, our self-lubrication is sensitive and affected by nearly everything we do. We can end up feeling dry or not lubricating for a number of reasons like stress, types of medication we take, diet, not enough sleep, and time of our menstrual cycle. In short, it’s not your fault - it’s just a phase.
There are SO many different factors that can play into why people with vaginas may have a hard time self-lubricating. Sexual arousal can be affected by mental blocks, feelings of guilt or shame, stress, etc. Or your body simply doesn't produce as much natural lubricant as we would hope. There is absolutely no reason to feeling bad about this!
I also like to stress that even if we do naturally lubricate, it’s not enough to last us through pound town. We produce maybe a few teaspoons of lubricant, which may be good for 10-20 minutes of play - we need more! Regardless of your self-lubing status, always have a good, slick lube on you to keep the good times slipping.
I've been in a long term relationship and was never good at communicating my wants/needs. I feel like I've waited too long. What can I do to start that now?
We often get trapped in the idea that if we haven’t implemented something early in the relationship, that it can’t be implemented now. Good communication is something that takes time, skill, and needs to be built - it won’t happen overnight, especially if it hasn’t been normal.
To start, I recommend asking your partner to set aside an hour of their time where you can each talk about your wants and needs in a safe, non-judgmental space. I like to ask couples to show up with a list of things they like about each other, themselves, desires, and things they wish to improve on. Let your partner talk, hear them out, and try not to react or interrupt from a place of the ego or “what you want”. Understand where they are coming from, and see where you can align together.
You may find that communication may actually be there and be really effective, the initiative was just never taken. As relationships grow and change, your sexual fantasies and desires might as well.
I've been really interested in getting a thruster, but I'm nervous it might be "too much" for me
The Thruster may seem intimidating due to its many shapes and sizes, but people miss the beauty of it: It’s completely customizable and capable for every level of experience and desire.
Assuming you’re buying a Thruster because you want thrusting penetration, the first thing to consider is what size you would like. All sizes provided by Thruster are realistic, and range from smaller to larger.
The second thing to gauge is thrusting power and speed: Which can be adjusted to any Thruster. When you pick out the size you want practice having the Thruster at a lower thrusting speed, taking it nice and slow. There is no need to have more intensity if you don’t want it! Then, when you feel like you are more comfortable, you can speed it up if you want! The thruster can reach up to 136 strokes per minute!
I've never had a G-Spot orgasm. Is this normal?
G-Spot orgasms were something of a mystery to me only up until a couple of years ago. The thing is, the female anatomy is very complex - with the G-Spot sitting a bit differently on everyone, it’s not all stimulated the same.
Normal penetration didn’t do it for me, and it doesn’t for many others. What’s very popular is finding a toy that has a curve or “hook” like design, that can thrust in and give pressure right to the G-Spot, better known as the urethral sponge and greater internal clitoral structure. I highly recommend Thruster’s Nanci, which can give steady thrusts and pinpoint stimulation to the right area. If you’re like me, it could be easier to achieve the G-Spot orgasm while adding exterior stimulation to the clitoris at the same time.
Make sure you head to our Instagram on the 1st of each month to “Ask Julieta” all your sex questions, thoughts, and feelings. Our resident sexpert Julieta Chiara is here to answer them all! Turn on your post notifications via @velvetthruster on Instagram so you don't miss out!