Thruster sex toys invited acclaimed sex therapist to help get us through the holidays
Egg-nogg. Family. Food. Presents. Fun. And stress. We all know now that the holidays can create a lot of extra stress – which sometimes manifests into physical aches and pains, somatic symptoms, and tension in our relationships. It’s tough not to let all of this season's to-dos, emotions, and logistical nightmares bleed into our relationships and even create strife and/or conflict. We’re human beings; it’s really hard for us to feel overwhelmingly stressed and not let it come out somewhere. As a therapist specializing in relationships, I can tell you that the holidays can bring out the best and the worst in us. Here are 4 tips to avoid stress with your partner(s) during the holiday season.
Go Over Your Calendars Together & Create Containers That Are Just for You
While the holidays are supposed to be a time of coming together and connection, they can often leave you and your partner(s) spread pretty thin, without a lot left to give each other. Maybe you have family staying at your home, or you’re traveling with a family member or friend. Whatever the case may be, the holiday season becomes packed with activities – most of which are not romantic or sexual time with your partner(s), so it’s no wonder we start to feel a bit disconnected and then crave connection and act out to get it. You know how kids sometimes throw temper tantrums when they want their caretaker to pay attention to them? Sometimes we do that, even unconsciously, to get attention from our partner(s). One way to avoid this is to set up an intentional time to be together – whether it’s for conversation, sex, cooking, talking a walk, or something else – put down containers of connection on your calendar like you would any other get-together or appointment. And, keep it. Show up. If you just book a “container for connection,” you can decide on the activity closer to the time.
Have a Weekly Check-In Meeting
Do you ever have the experience of getting to New Years and looking back on the last 2-3 weeks as a giant blur? Set up a weekly check-in meeting, so you have little milestones to check in and your partner(s) – are you getting enough QT? Touches? Words of affection? What do you need more of? This is simply another form of setting up a container – a container with the intention of checking in with each other – your thoughts, feelings, experiences, perceptions, needs, wants, etc.
Decide on finances/budgets before 12/1
Money is one of those things that tend to sneak up on us. All of a sudden, we’re arguing about the cost of things, and we’re in mid-holiday season... Which sucks. One of the things about money is that it means different things to each of us. So, how we react to spending or saving varies depending on that assigned meaning. It’s ideal before you start your gift, decor, or whatever other holiday shopping that you decide on a budget. Depending on your situation, this may be a thing you do with your partner(s) or that you do alone – the point is that you do it and not leave an elephant in the room that’s not talking about.
Try to Create a Moment a Day That is For You & Can Bring a Little Comfort and Joy
If you’ve noticed a theme around talking about the holidays, it’s that it goes by very quickly, we can argue for both serious and silly reasons, and it’s important to be as mindful as possible during this chaotic (and joyful) time. Similar to creating a container with your partner, this is a mini container for yourself. It could be as little as 2 minutes or as long as 2 hours. It could be writing down gratitude in your journal, breathing for a minute, masturbating, scrolling social media, reading a chapter from a book you’re reading or watching an episode of a favorite TV show. The point is to bring you a moment (or a few moments) of comfort and joy. Don’t know where to start? Make a list of things that typically cultivate the feeling of comfort and a list of things that typically cultivate the feeling of joy.
If you take one thing away from this article – be mindful of your physical and emotional well-being this holiday season. If you are in touch with your emotions and any tenseness in your body, you can help give yourself what you need and then give your partner what they need too. Fill up your own cup first, put your oxygen mask on first. You know the drill. Happy Holidays!
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