Ask Julieta: Kink, Lube, & Self-Love
Hey beautiful babes - Julieta here. Sex and sexuality can feel tricky, and sometimes a little guidance is all we need! I loved your submissions for this month’s “Ask Julieta”, and I’ll be answering you below. Let’s get started!
“My girl is full vanilla and I’m a kinky little bastard. How can I convince her to be my dominant?”
This is actually more common than you think my friend. Many couples can have an amazing sex life while having vastly different interests, and it all comes down to respectful compromise. What does this mean? It’s about finding a middle ground where you can meet each other's needs without sacrificing their or your boundaries of comfortability. If your girl is very vanilla, come up with 3-4 kinky things that are within your kinks but easy enough to try with someone who is new. When presenting these ideas to her, it’s important to communicate that these pillars of pleasure and exploration are very important to you, but so is her comfortability. Come up with ways together to approach some of these, even if it’s slowly, so both your needs can be met.
*Please note, this may not always work. If she’s really not into it, you must respect that. This can be a calling to take a bigger step back and look at priorities and how essential these things are to you, and keeping a healthy relationship.
“Have you used any weed lube with Anal?”
Weed lube can definitely be used analy. Given the rectum is a mucous membrane, it absorbs things into the bloodstream like THC or CBD the same way a mouth or vagina would. THC or CBD based lubricants can bring more sensation, comfortability, and glide. As always, remember to take things easy with anal play to avoid tearing or injury.
“How would you find people willing to be a third to a relationship? Just sex”
In the swinging world, finding your third, or a “unicorn” is very sought after. This is usually a single person who is brought in by a couple for threesomes. Many of my friends have had success by creating a joint profile on Tinder, but I prefer using SDC.com to build a couples profile and put that you are looking for singles to bring in for threesomes. Being clear from the start, you can have way more luck with this!
“How to encourage my wife to self-love? Can’t make herself cum so she has no interest.”
First off, thank you for the great question! Wanting our partners to experience pleasure for themselves is very normal and something to keep in mind. If your wife has trouble reaching orgasm, it can be due to many things. First and foremost, although we want the best for someone, we cannot force them to do something they don’t want.
I would talk to her and ask how she feels about masturbation and exploring different ways to explore her pleasure, and the potential orgasm that could come from that. A common way for women to overcome this hurdle is by trying different sex toys like the selection from Velvet Thruster. If she’s open to exploring, maybe it’s time to get her a nice gift where she can comfortably explore her body.
“Pros/cons of organic lube (coconut oil vs. Synthetic (silicone) ingredients.”
Pros: Organic lubes are super healthy and are usually well tolerated by all folks. Things like coconut oil or other oil based lubes are usually hypoallergenic. Synthetics like silicone based or additives can be very irritating, plus why not go more natural with what we put in our bodies?
Cons: Oil based lubricants cannot be paired with latex condoms, as it will degrade them and cause ripping. They can be used with non-latex options, like Skyns. Oil-based lubricants can also be harder to clean off of sex toys, so make sure to have a good toy cleaner or cleaning regime on deck. Coconut oil in particular has also been known to cause a disruption of a vagina’s natural pH balance since it has such high antibacterial properties.
"Coming from a traditional country, I always feel guilty after ONS (one night stand) - how do I turn this around?"
You are definitely not alone! Overcoming societal shame around sexuality, especially sex without romance, can feel like a lifetime ordeal. The best way I get over the shame and stigma of one night stands is reminding myself that what I do sexually, is my business. How I choose to have sex, with who, and what the sex itself means is completely up to me. If the sex is fleeting, a ONS, with the goal of pleasure and nothing else: AMAZING. The sex we choose to have should be empowering because we choose it, not because society says it should be a certain way. Enjoy, babe.
Keep your post notifcations on Instagram via @velvetthruster page to tune into next month’s “Ask Julieta” to get your sex questions, thoughts, and feelings answered by our resident sexpert Julieta Chiara!