In this month's 'Ask Julieta' she'll be covering non-penetrative sex, disappointing orgasms, and some sex tips and tricks!
I can’t have penetrated sex due to pain. Tips for making it fun without it?
We’re often fooled into thinking that the only way we can have fun, pleasurable and “real” sex is through penetration. The reality is, penetration can be great- but there are plenty of other things that can be greater. When penetration is a painful experience for you, I recommend exploring with the exterior via toys, oral, or massage.
Toys are top for adaptability. For example, if your pain doesn’t extend to your vulva, a clitoral vibrator can be a great tool for you or your partner to facilitate your pleasure. If your partner has a penis and penetration is important to them, you can consider buying a masturbation sleeve to use during on them during sex.
Oral sex is viably more sensational to vulva owners than penetration. While oral takes more technique, it can be equally as intimate and mind-blowing (and still very much a form of sex). You can mix up your oral game by adding in lubes, flavored lubes, vibes, cock-rings, or maybe even an anal toy. The same goes with using your hands (extra emphasis on lube).
One thing to consider is anal stimulation: We all have butts, and they are all incredibly sensational. Whether you explore orally, with your hands, or with a toy you may be pleasantly surprised to see how much pleasure you can experience. Give it a go!
Good Sex doesn't only mean penetrative sex. Explore your sexual desires and discover new sensations by testing out new areas and exploring your own body. Once you are comfortable with finding what makes you feel good, then you can do it with a partner!
Is it normal for my orgasm to feel disappointing sometimes?
I love this question because it is SO COMMON. Not all orgasms feel the same. Some can feel extra sensational, while others can feel dull or numb. The feel and intensity of your orgasm can be manipulated by many factors. You may have a more powerful orgasm if you’re relaxed and have built up to it, while you may have a “duller” one if you’re stressed out and just trying to squeeze one in.
Many who take antidepressants and other medications report having a hard time with orgasms. When they do reach climax, it may feel numb or not as exciting.
Before you get disappointed with your O, look at all the factors. Are you relaxed? Are you in the right headspace? How are you reaching orgasm? Are you fully stimulated? Could there be something blocking the full potential of your orgasm? All things to consider. Sometimes, real life can get in the way of our sex life, or sometimes an orgasm may just be disappointing. Not all Orgasms are created equal.
I you could only choose 3 sex related items to use for the rest of your life, what would they be?
This is a hard question for a sex blogger! A lube, a dildo, and a wand vibrator. Specifically:
- GoLove CBD Water Based Lubricant
- Thruster Teddy GS
- Le Wand Massager
Can women orgasm from anal sex?
They absolutely can - I’m one of them! The anal orgasm is common since the tissue that separates the vagina from rectum is so thin. For example, when you wear a butt plug you may feel pressure against your vaginal canal. This creates more sensation for the internal clitoris, and the vast array of nerve endings in the booty. For someone who has never used a butt plug before, this may feel like too much pressure at first. I encourage you to ease into this by using a beginner plug, and maybe playing with fingers first.
When you have an orgasm and your pelvic floor spasms, it can be felt all through the clitoris, vagina, and rectum. In my eyes, the anal orgasm is far more powerful than any orgasm I’ve ever had + you might astral project.
Why do I sometimes get dry during intercourse or penetration during masturbation?
Vaginal dryness is way more common than you expect, and for some reason, there seems to be a stigma about this. There's absolutely no reason to feel any shame or embarrassment about being dry. If this does happen to you, there are a couple of things to consider:
- Vaginal dryness can be caused by almost anything. Think about the time of month, your diet, stress levels, or even the medication you’re on. As much as we want to be "Wet Wandas" all the time, it may not happen and that’s totally okay. Wetness, or natural lubrication, doesn’t match up with our desire sometimes. We can be wildly turned on yet feel like the sahara desert - that’s when lube steps in.
- Even if we do naturally lubricate, it isn’t usually enough lubrication to withstand long sessions of sex or masturbation. You may find that you start off strong, and get dry after a period of time. Again - lube is your best friend.
Not only does lube keep you slippin’ and slidin’, but it protects your tissues from chafing or tears that are common with dryness.
Any recommendations for a sex toy subscription service?
While I don’t have any experience with sex toy subscription services, I found this fantastic article that goes over 13 different brands. These may fit your needs!
Make sure you head to our Instagram on the 1st of each month for your chance to “Ask Julieta” all your sex questions, thoughts, and feelings. Our resident sexpert Julieta Chiara is here to answer them all! Turn on your post notifications via @velvetthruster on Instagram so you don't miss out!