Velvet Cock is a loud & proud sex toy company (check out our Thrusters and you’ll know just what we mean) and we think that no one should have to hide their sex toys, ever. The reality is a little more complicated than that, though.
Whether or not you’re generally vocal about your sex life, chances are there are at least SOME people in your life that you want to keep your toys a secret from. Whether you’re prepping for house guests or just want to find a permanent home for your toys, you can use these tried-and-true tips below to hide your dildo!
Classic Hiding Spots: Closets & Drawers
If you have your own room (or at least your own storage space), then it shouldn’t be difficult to hide your sex toys. No one should be going through your stuff; if they are, then a whole different kind of conversation might be in order.
If you’re just looking for a fast, practical way to hide your sex toys, try out these classic hiding spots! These are the nooks and crannies that generally, no one ever peeks into:
- Your underwear drawer.
- The back of your closet.
- Storage units under the bed.
- Bathroom cabinets.
Clever Hiding Spots: For Maximum Secrecy
Closets and drawers are ideal places to hide your dildos, but maybe you want a little more security. Perhaps you’re trying to keep your toys secret from someone you happen to live with. That can be a real challenge!
If that’s the case, then consider acquiring one of these clever disguises to hide your sex toys in. For foolproof secrecy, stash your toys in one of these hiding places and THEN hide them in the back corner of your underwear drawer.
- Purchase a special product designed just for hiding stuff. Examples include locked boxes and disguised objects (such as books) with secret hollowed-out cavities inside.
- Hide dildos and other oblong toys in inconspicuous sex toy sleeves.
- Put sex toys in a box for something inconspicuous and uninteresting, i.e. glasses cases, tampon boxes, shoe boxes.
These tips are also great if you’re traveling and want to keep your toys well-hidden in your luggage!
Get Away With It: What To Do If Someone Sees Your Stuff
So what do you do if your worst nightmare comes true and your mother stumbles upon your sex toys? Your first option (if your toys look ambiguous enough) is to explain that your vibrator is just a nifty back massager. Not all toys can be explained away, though; you might want to hide your veiny dildo. Don’t worry, we’ve got your back. Just use some of our tried-and-true explanations - we’ve used these for years!
- Come clean and explain frankly. “As you can see… My wife and I use sex toys.”
- Embrace the fact. “I’m quite proud of my collection”
- Diffuse awkward air with a joke. “I see you’ve found the party favors!”
- Explain that the sex toys were birthday gifts from a more adventurous friend.
- Chalk it up to curiosity. “I’ve been exploring sex toys. I got curious when I heard about how popular they actually are.”
- You don’t really have to explain yourself! We’re all adults here. Just casually direct your guest’s attention to something else.
Keep Your Pleasures Private… Or Not!
Are your sex toys still carelessly stashed in your bedside drawer? Perhaps it’s time to relocate them to a more reliable spot. Find a dry, cool place to hide your dildos and other toys so that they’re always prepped for use – but only by you or someone you trust, of course!